I am writing this blog right after my gambling episode. I have had this ongoing (serious) problem for 5 years now. And it doesn't matter how far I've succeeded in attempting to live normally. An episode will just pull me down back to the same hole, only deeper. It all started when I experienced a winning streak in gambling. That 'high' seemed to fill the void inside me sub-consciously. Why? Because I never stopped since then. It's game after game of progressive losing streak. For more than 5 years! I start to wonder who's more affected if it's me or my family, friends, loved ones, and even acquaintances and strangers. Debt after debt, it's getting nowhere but down. I accumulated debts from a lot of people that I couldn't even remember some of them anymore, or the amount borrowed. My daughter is growing fast and I could not forgive myself if she's old enough to see that her father's a gambler/loser. I've seen and felt my parents' hurt and my girlfriend's defeated cry. The friends I knew growing up are getting farther in life while I go the opposite direction. I am not stupid. I am not an evil person. I just have a serious problem that causes very bad things to happen and that countless psychiatrists, psychologists, and even facilities did not seem to 'cure' me.
'I am done'. 'I'm going to change' - how many times more do I have to say this to myself and get the same result over and over again. Insanity had taken over and there is only one way to put a stop to this. The desire to change my ways as strong as or stronger than the urge of gambling combined with a regular support group. One that doesn't judge, solicit, or rumormonger. No frills, no shenanigans, just people who admit they have the same serious problem and aren't proud that want to help and support each other. A group of people doing 'balikatan' and consistently finding positive alternatives to gambling addiction. I am willing to start a group now. I think this is the ONLY way that I haven't tried yet and I am hopeful that it will help me as it will help you (if you are willing to join). Leave your emails and contact numbers (if u want) and I will organize a first meeting even if it's just the 2 of us at first. We are not alone! We can do this, together!!!!!
